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The Cows of October
"The Cows of October" is the twelfth episode of Miami Vice's fourth season. The episode premiered on February 5, 1988. Summary A cowboy's plan to improve his cattle brings in the Communists, the government, and Izzy. Plot The Vice team is staking out a 30 key drop by a dealer named Roxy when suddenly a herd of cattle begin stampeding, blowing their cover as Roxy's men drive by afterwards. They also find a man knocked out and a hissing silver can nearby, and is confiscated when they suspect it of being a bomb. The lab determines the "bomb" is actually bull semen, and its' owner, Calvin Teal (Gerrit Graham) stops by in a tizzy because they let it thaw, claiming he had two containers of Gargantua's sperm (his bull which is named for his "equipment") worth $100,000 each, one was stolen and the other was thawed by the police, they both were to be shipped to Teal's partner in Belize. At OCB, Castillo brings in FBI Agent Anderson (Harry Shearer), who needs a local liasion to locate the missing semen, and after a lively conversation about bovine sex habits, Tubbs & Switek go speak to a farmer who tells them all they need to know about cows, including how to check for pregnancy (gloves provided), Gina looks at a picture of "Gargantua", and Teal said he died after tripping into a hole "servicing a heifer" and had to be sold to slaughter. While Tubbs, Switek & Teal go see Izzy (selling bullwhips), a man named Rojas is taking pictures and communicating that he has the Texan under surveillance. Izzy said there is someone he can speak with about the semen and will contact them. Izzy brings the seller, Paco, to a marina where Switek busts him, then as Anderson comes out as well, shots are fired, Paco and the shooters escape, and Rojas leaves Anderson a pink cigar on his car hood. At OCB, Anderson discloses that Cuban intelligence is after the semen for miniature cows, causing a run of laughs and guffaws from the team. The miniature cows are to be used for lower cost milk production in Third World countries. Izzy agrees to set up a meet with Paco and Teal for the semen, Teal has $86,500 and Switek adds some as an investment to get the amount up to a round number. Then Anderson stops by Izzy's threatening to take his outstanding warrants to INS, then agrees to a deal for the semen at $200,000, then Rojas (Geno Silva) calls Izzy, also calling in his warrants, and agrees to $259,000 for the semen, which Anderson has a tank of, but those are full-size cows, not minis. Izzy meets with Rojas, then Anderson takes a shot at them, which causes Rojas and his goons to throw Izzy into their car and escape. Tubbs & Switek are stunned Anderson was involved in their escape, but lets them in on the scam. Rojas has Izzy hung upside down, and the informant pleads to be let down as he told them Anderson was the one scamming, but finally cracks and tells Rojas Paco has the tank, and Rojas gives him a booby-trapped briefcase totalling $300,000, and it's set to blow up if Rojas decides to. Teal gives Gina some of his cowboy "charm", and Crockett & Tubbs decide to do a make on him. Izzy gets a call from Paco (while Rojas listens through the case's hidden mic and Switek through the phone tap) and arrange a deal for the tank in the amount of $275,000. Izzy meets at a railroad crossing with Paco, who takes the money and the tank, while Izzy is stuck between two cars (Rojas & Anderson), who converge on Izzy, have a quick shootout with each other, and then both leave. Switek wants to shoot Izzy for letting the money and the tank get away. Crockett gets back the report on Teal and finds he's a bunco artist with rap sheets from Los Angeles and Denver, and stole $100,000 from investment bankers on a phony mutual fund deal, much to Gina's & Switek's shock. Izzy is packing his bags when Teal stops by with what he claims is the real tank, and wants to make a deal with Izzy, and calls Anderson to offer the tank for $550,000, then Rojas wants it for $600,000, and a bidding war starts, finally reaching $1,000,000 from Rojas, and the meet takes place in the Miami River. But Anderson intercepts Izzy, who takes the tank at gunpoint and switches it with another, then gives the tank to Rojas in exchange for the money, while Crockett observes. Teal & Izzy are set up in a luxury hotel and Izzy wants his 20% cut promised by Teal, but the cowboy offers Izzy a deal for his 20%--"guaranteed" contracts from the Saudis for 20 tanks of bull semen, saying the Arabs crave milk. Izzy agrees, and just as Teal starts hustling out the door with the million, Crockett is waiting, who lets him know how he caught on to his scheme--the picture taken of him & "Gargantua" is a composite (both pictures taken at different times), and Paco was working for Teal from the beginning. Teal begs to be released since Rojas will be after him, and Crockett turns him loose, but the money stays. Izzy & Crockett discover that Teal left with the money and stuck them with a suitcase full of magazines. Teal is on a plane trying to sucker another into his "bull semen" scam. Notes *This episode aired immediately after NBC's first primetime wrestling special in 30 years, The Main Event, where Andre the Giant defeated Hulk Hogan for the WWE Championship, only to give it to Ted DiBiase less than 2 minutes later, vacating the title. *All of the non-Jan Hammer/John Petersen music are instrumental themes from famous western movies. *Dimitri Tomkin scored the music to several of John Wayne's westerns, including Rio Bravo, The Alamo, and The War Wagon, and Ennio Morricone scored the classic "spaghetti westerns" For A Few Dollars More, A Fistful Of Dollars, and Once Upon A Time In The West. *Harry Shearer would go on to play the voice of Ned Flanders in the long running series The Simpsons. *We learn Izzy has twelve telephones at his place of all shapes and sizes. *Crockett dealt with another fraud artist, Phil Mayhew, in Season 2's "Phil the Shill", but he only got away with $500,000, instead of the million Teal escaped with. *The episode was dedicated to Kay Talbott. Music *"Theme from Red River" by Dimitri Tiomkin (Cattle stampede during stakeout) *"Wagon Train from Red River" by Dimitri Tiomkin (Switek & Teal at Izzy's) *"Theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" by Ennio Morricone (Izzy's meet with Paco at the railroad) *"Theme from The Magnificent Seven" by Elmer Bernstein (Izzy & Teal meet with Rojas) Quotes *"This can cause quite an explosion...in the cow population!" -- Lab Technician to Tubbs *"What are we supposed to do, question happy cows with that...sexual afterglow?" -- Switek to Anderson *"Aw, listen, federal breath!, if you can sell cola to the ChiCom's, I can sure sell cows to Castro!" -- Teal to Anderson *"Where are you going, Hud?" -- "Crockett to Izzy" Category:Miami Vice Season 4 Episodes